


un haeng il chi

by danishsweethearts



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU
Genre: Character Study, Family Bonding, Gen, lots of talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 17:28:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28728873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danishsweethearts/pseuds/danishsweethearts
Summary: un haeng il chi (언행일치) | yán xíng yī zhì (言行一致)idiom1. word and actions coincide; to live up to one's word2. to match words with deeds3. practice what you preachThe Cassandra Wayne guide to truth-telling, manifestation and prosperity.
Relationships: Cassandra Cain & Dick Grayson, Cassandra Cain & Tim Drake, Stephanie Brown & Cassandra Cain
Comments: 33
Kudos: 64





	un haeng il chi

**Author's Note:**

> whew. i mean to have this done this sometime last year, aiming for november, i think? and then i was like okay, christmas instead, and then i wa slike okay, new years day instead. obviously, it is now jan 13th, and i have missed all of those deadlines. this fic has been a journey and a half, and anybody who follows me on tumblr can attest to the amount of agony it caused me. i don't know if it's coherent, or consistent, or makes any sense at all, but it is beyond everything, a product of love, so i hope you remember that when you're reading. it's an extreme labour of love.

She drops down from the rafters. Softly enough that the guard standing outside the room is not alerted by the noise, but with enough force that the person inside hears her. The person?

The child. He’s just a child. His name is Luka, and he has been kidnapped and held hostage in an attempt to extort money out of his parents. 

When she lands, he jerks away from her at the noise and scrambles closer to the wall. He’s terrified. 

Underneath the mask, she frowns. As his wide eyes come to stare at her, she puts a finger over her lips.

He nods, but still whispers, “Batman?” high and reedy. Cass’ gaze flickers to the door to the room, but there is no sign that the guard outside had heard anything. He had seemed inattentive, when she had been watching through the cameras. Clearly mad at having to guard a child. 

She turns back to Luka and shakes her head. She takes a step closer, and when he does not flinch, goes the rest of the way.

She kneels in front of him and gestures to the ropes around his wrists. Slowly, he holds out his hands.

“Not Batman,” she murmurs back. “Batgirl.”

He blinks at her. She can see that he’s still scared—back flat to the wall, hands trembling, gaze straying to the door—but he’s curious now as well. Good. In moments of high tension it is important to distract children. The more they focus on the situation, the more likely they are to retain serious trauma as well as be unpredictable and harder to communicate with.

Cass breathes in. She breathes out. Gently, she undoes the ropes. The captors had tied them way too tightly; there are red welts all around his wrist and forearms. She does not let her hands tremble with the anger that rushes through her.

“Are you friends with Batman?” he asks her as she rubs his wrists. 

She smiles. Most of the time, her full-face mask makes her feel safer and more in control, but sometimes she wonders whether she should change to an eye-mask. For moments like this. Smiling, and such.

“Yes,” she whispers back. “He sent me to help you.”

Luka leans forward from the wall. He opens and closes his fingers, and she is pleased to see that he can do it without any problems. There’s no lasting damage to his hands, at least.

He looks up at her with bright eyes. “Batman’s awesome,” he whispers. He draws in an unsteady breath, the corners of his mouth turning down a little. “I really really hoped he would come to save me. I was really scared.”

After a moment of hesitation, Cass takes one of Luka’s hands and squeezes it softly. With her other, she smooths down his hair, like Dick does to her when she’s upset. Some of the fear leaves his face.

“He’s very sorry he couldn’t come,” she tells him seriously. 

Luka rubs at his eyes. “It’s okay,” he says, shaking his head and then staring at Cass. “If he sent you, then you must be just as good.”

Cass considers this. She tilts her head.

“Hm,” she says. “I’m better.”

For the first time since she arrived, Luka smiles.

* * *

“I want to change my costume,” Cass announces as she walks into the Batcave. She scans it; Tim is inside, sitting by the console but working on one of his laptops. Steph and Dick are here as well. Somehow, they’ve put a Tetris game up on the big screen and are now head to head in competition. Cass squints at the screen. 

Dick is winning, but Steph is giving as good as she’s getting.

There’s nobody else around. Bruce must either still be on patrol or has already gone up to the Manor. She hopes he’s in the Manor. Everyone else has already changed back into casual clothes, but Cass is still suited up, and she will go back out and drag Bruce back home if she has to. Especially if Damian is out with him as well. It’s _way_ past his bedtime.

Dick and Steph are a little too occupied to answer her, but Tim looks up. He takes an earbud out, and says, “Sorry, Cass, what was that?”

Given the opportunity, Cass switches focus and asks, “Where’s Bruce?”

Tim frowns and looks around the Batcave, as if he’s only just taken note of Bruce’s absence. 

Steph’s tower of blocks in Tetris inches closer to the top of the screen. Dick is cackling.

“Upstairs, I think?” Tim replies, squinting at the stairs as though they’ll give him the answer. “I’m pretty sure I heard him come back, at least.”

Cass glances speculatively up the stairs as well. Tim’s info didn’t help at all. She reckons the odds are 50-50; Bruce isn’t so irresponsible that he would let Damian patrol so late, but Damian would never leave the Batcave when Dick _and_ Steph are hanging out. Hm.

“When did Dick arrive?” she asks.

Tim blinks, and then looks over to Dick and Steph and their still on-going game of Tetris. It looks like it won’t be for much longer. Steph’s on her last last last legs. Dick’s still cackling.

“Like, ten minutes ago? Or… twenty?” Tim says. “He and Steph came in together.” He pauses. He frowns. He continues, “I think?” 

“Helpful,” Cass replies dryly.

Tim gives her a sheepish grin. “Sorry, not gonna lie, have _not_ really been paying attention.”

Cass snorts. “I can tell,” she replies, but she bumps her shoulder against Tim to soften the blow. Tim just smiles and bumps her back.

Together, they turn and watch the final moments of the Tetris game. It’s pretty clearly Dick’s game, but Steph isn’t one to go down easy, so there’s desperate button pressing and frustrated groans up until the very last moment. It’s one of those square pieces that causes Steph’s downfall in the end; she’s not fast enough to find a spot for it, and it fills up her screen.

“Nooo,” Steph moans, putting her face in her hands. She slumps in her chair. Dick does a victory spin on his chair as Tim claps dryly.

Done with his victory spin, Dick rolls over to Steph and pats her on the shoulder.

“Good game, Steph,” he says, biting down on a smile. Steph huffs.

“I’ll get you one day,” she grumbles. She spins her chair around three times and then stops, facing Cass and Tim, arm dramatically cast over her face. “Sorry you guys had to witness that,”

Tim snorts. “Every time you two come in here for your weekly Tetris match, you lose, Steph. It’s really nothing I haven’t seen before.”

“Oh, hush,” Steph snaps back. 

Cass laughs. “Better luck next time,” she tells Steph. Immediately after, she exchanges a grin with Dick. 

Steph watches this happen with narrowed eyes, and mutters, “Whose side are you on _anyway,”_

The four of them break into laughter. 

Now that Dick and Steph aren’t busy anymore, Cass can get information from a more reliable source than Tim. She doesn’t bother getting a chair; she just sits herself up on the console table between the two.

“Where’s Bruce at?” she asks.

Dick and Steph look at each other, and then shrug.

“No idea,” Steph says.

“Steph and I only just arrived like, fifteen minutes ago,” Dick replies. Cass nods. Hmm. If Dick and Steph had arrived in the cave after Bruce and Damian, then that would explain why Damian’s not here.

Tim chimes in with, “I don’t think he’s still out, but I can check the suit trackers if you want.” He sends an amused look at Steph and Dick. "If the Tetris tourney has concluded, that is,"

Dick shrugs. Steph slumps back in her chair and groans.

"My pride has been sufficiently wounded tonight," she announces. Cass giggles.

"Alright," Tim says with a smile, wheeling his chair in front of the console. Cass moves out of the way of the screen. 

Tim closes the Tetris game and pulls up the usual monitor screens. The tracking application takes a second to load, and when it does, it only shows one suit still active. Cass'.

"Must be upstairs," Tim says. Cass nods, pleased. That's good. She likes being the last one home. It's reassuring.

"Are you staying over?" she asks Dick and Steph. 

They look at each other, then Dick turns to check the clock on the monitor.

He shrugs. “It’s late,” he says with a smile. “Might as well. For the water pressure here, if nothing else.”

“Oh, that _Wayne Manor water pressure,”_ Steph sighs happily.

“Hits different,” Dick agrees, closing his eyes and putting a hand over his heart.

Tim snorts, rolling his eyes. “Move back in, why don’t you two?” he retorts lightly, throwing an amused look in Cass’ direction. She smiles back at him. 

“Sweet,” she says. “I’ll go change. Let’s go up together?”

Everybody nods at her. Dick smiles.

“It’ll be a cute little family sleepover,” he says. 

As Cass heads towards the showers, she hears Tim saying, _I don’t think families can have sleepovers, that’s just a regular sleeping setup,_ and then three voices overlapping with each other in a silly argument. She smiles.

Taking off the Batgirl suit and stepping back into her own skin always feels good. Being Batgirl always makes her feel… bigger, or better, than she is, but coming back to Cass doesn’t feel smaller, or lesser. It’s good. Refreshing. She likes it. Having an identity. Having two. Understanding each one.

Oh, speaking of the Batgirl suit—

She walks back out after getting changed and says, “By the way, I think I want to change my costume.”

She’s met with three delighted grins.

* * *

Sometimes, Cass practices smiling in the mirror. It doesn’t come very easily to her, see. Happiness becomes more familiar every day, and with it comes so many new things: the shine of a smile, the brush of a hand, the wink of an eye. She’s still not very good at these things, so she practices. 

She stands in her bathroom and stares at herself. She puts a hand on her cheek and feels the softness. There are dark patches under her eyes, but ever since she’s started living with Tim, she’s been napping a lot more. They’re a lot better than they used to be. It’s easier for her to flop down with Tim on their couch and catch up on the missed hours of sleep.

She smiles as best as she can. She thinks about people like Dick and Steph, who do this easily, who rarely aren’t smiling. Cass won’t ever be on that level, and honestly doesn’t want to be, but she does look up to them so much for it. 

She thinks about Damian, who is like her, can’t figure out the connection between what he feels and how he shows it. She looks up to him too. Maybe even more than the others, because she can see how hard he works. Just like her. 

Smiling’s hard. Being happy is hard. She trains at it every day, like a muscle, and feels herself get better and better. 

There’s a dimple in her left cheek. She pokes at it. It feels funny, which makes her smile harder. 

Yeah. She’s getting better.

* * *

Cass should’ve seen it coming, but when she announces her plans for a costume change, everybody gets very into it.

The next morning, Bruce tells her, “You’re the first person in the family to ask for help with a costume change, so this is very exciting for everyone,” which makes sense. Her family doesn’t change costumes very often, and they ask for help even less. 

She’s surprised that the news has managed to travel to Bruce, since it’s only been a few hours, but she guesses that really does prove how excited everybody is. 

They’re having breakfast, and as usual, Bruce spoons far more food onto her plate than she needs. In return, she sneaks some of it back onto his plate, which is far more empty than she’d like it to be. It’s a good rhythm. They haven’t eaten together like this for a while, and Cass has missed it. 

Bruce says, “Any reason why you want to change?” as he pours them orange juice.

Cass accepts the glass when he holds it out to her and shrugs. “I want to try something new,” she replies. She loves the Batgirl costume dearly, and it still makes her feel safe, and powerful, and comfortable, but she wants… more. It’s been a hard path, but every day, she feels more and more sure that she wants to step out of the shadows. At least a little. She’ll never be like Spoiler or Nightwing, but she thinks about Luka, and his scared eyes, and how much she wanted to make him smile, and knows that she needs a change. 

She’s not sure how to phrase all of that, however, so she just shrugs again. “Something more fun,” she adds.

Bruce raises his eyebrows, but she can see that he’s amused. His mouth is twitching, like it wants to smile.

“This job isn’t exactly about fun,” he replies, sipping his juice to hide the possible smile. Cass rolls her eyes.

“This is why everybody thinks you’re a stick in the mud,” she tells him. Bruce very mildly chokes on his juice. “I know it’s not about fun. But I don’t want to get lost, you know? In the dark.”

She feels like she isn’t making sense, but Bruce blinks slowly and nods, thinking her words over. She would feel bad for making Bruce think over everything she says like this, but she knows he does this with _everything_ anybody says, so it’s fine. For her, it’s just an added perk.

“Hn,” he says. “Maybe you have a point.”

He gives her a smile, and slips an egg back onto her plate. She giggles.

They continue to eat in silence, until footsteps come thudding down the stairs and towards the dining room. From the weight and frequency, it’s probably Steph.

Five seconds later, Steph pushes her way into the room, a laptop in her arms. Trailing behind her is Tim, yawning.

“Cass!” Steph says.

“Steph,” Cass replies.

Tim rubs his eyes and then scans the room. He gives Bruce a small nod.

Bruce nods back.

All greetings done, Steph comes around to where Cass is sitting and sets her laptop down on the table. She pulls a chair over and sits down close. Cass looks at where their shoulders are touching.

Gesturing at the screen, Steph says, “Okay, you need to check your email. I’ve set up a Pinterest board so we can brainstorm ideas for your new costume, and I’ve just sent you the invite.”

She’s very energetic in the mornings. She keeps looking back and forth between Cass and the laptop.

“A… Pinterest board,” Cass repeats, blinking as she scrolls through what Steph has so far. There’s a lot of blurry pictures of Wonder Girl. Cass turns and raises her eyebrows at Steph, who just smiles.

“It’s for collecting inspiration. You just pin whatever pictures you like to the board,” Steph says, pointing at a picture of some very complicated and fancy looking masks. “For example, I’ve always wanted to do something masquerade-y like this for my costume, so I’ve pinned the picture.”

Cass makes a note to look up whatever the fuck _masquerade_ means.

Tim, who’s now seated and stealing food off of Cass’ plate (to Bruce’s disapproval) says, “Isn’t this supposed to be for Cass, not you?”

Steph waves him off. “I had to start somewhere, okay?” Then, smacking Tim’s hand away from the plate, she continues, “And isn’t that food supposed to be for Cass, not you?”

Tim steals another piece of bacon and bites down on it, staring at Steph the entire time. 

In return, she pokes out her tongue. 

Cass laughs. 

Bruce snorts along. “Both of you menaces, leave Cass alone,” he says, shooing Steph and Tim away from the table. “Go get your own breakfast. Alfred is still in the kitchen, I think.”

Steph scoffs. “As a working class hero,” she says, putting her hands over her heart, “I will be making my own breakfast.” She strides out of the room.

Tim sadly looks at the rest of Cass’ breakfast, and then at the door to the kitchen, and then at the distance between the rest of Cass’ breakfast and the door to the kitchen. 

“Can you make me some too?” he calls.

“Stop trying to exploit my labour, one percenter!” Steph sings back. 

Tim sighs. Cass giggles. Bruce does his silly little half-smile thing.

“Going to go earn my keep, I guess,” Tim says, yawning again and walking away. 

Suddenly left in silence, Cass and Bruce glance at each other, amused. 

“Should I tell them to back off?” Bruce asks, still doing his half-smile thing. It’s cute. Makes him look very friendly, and very awkward.

Cass tilts her head in question. Bruce gestures to the laptop still open on the table.

“About the costume,” he explains. “If it’s something you want to do on your own, just tell me, and I’ll get them to ease off a bit.”

“Ah,” Cass says. She thinks about it. She wonders whether it should make her uncomfortable, but as she thinks it over, she decides in the end that she doesn’t mind. She doesn’t have a lot of ideas herself, and she likes knowing that her family care this much. Some of them are better than her at this stuff anyway. 

Meeting Bruce’s eyes again, she shakes her head. “It’s okay,” she says with a smile. “I like the help. And I haven’t really thought about what I want, so this is good.”

Bruce nods. “If you’re sure,” he says, which Cass is. She’s always found it funny when people say that.

They eat the rest of their breakfast. Cass doesn’t have anything on today, but Bruce has to go over to WE. Steph and Tim have both headed off: Steph to college, and Tim to WE. 

(He makes it a point to never arrive at the same time as Bruce. Everybody finds it very funny, especially Bruce.)

Cass is adjusting Bruce’s tie one last time at the door when he says, “You should come in today.”

Cass raises her eyebrows at him. “To Wayne Enterprises?”

Bruce nods once, firm, looking pleased with himself. “Yes. You should.”

She stares at him. She feels like she’s broadcasting her question obviously enough that she doesn’t have to ask out loud. 

Bruce pauses, seems to think over what he had just said, and realized his mistake. He says, “We’re trialling a lot of new technology in the labs lately. The secondary labs.”

“The secondary labs,” Cass repeats, eyebrows going up higher. She has no idea why Bruce thinks she would be interested in the secondary labs. Or the main labs. Or any labs.

“The secondary labs,” Bruce says, nodding. “You know. For our… nighttime jobs.”

 _Ah._ It clicks into place. “Oh!” she says, brightening. “The _nighttime jobs._ Yes. I’d love to.”

Bruce nods again, more enthusiastically. “I’m sure you can find something useful there, if you want to change it up,” he says, holding out an arm. Smiling, she links her own arm through it. “There’s stuff that even Tim hasn’t gotten his hands on yet,”

Cass hadn’t expected that Bruce would be invested in her new costume, but it makes sense. It’s two of his favourite things: vigilantism, and being involved with his children’s lives. Of course he’s trying to get in on it too. 

She realizes that earlier, when Bruce had been asking if she wanted Steph and Tim to back off, he was also asking for himself. She almost laughs, because that’s _so_ Bruce’s brand of ridiculousness. 

“You are a ridiculous man,” she tells him, as he walks her out to the car. Bruce gives her a slightly surprised look. She continues, “Thank you for wanting to help,”

Now looking sheepish, since he knows that he’s been caught out, Bruce chuckles. “It’s nothing, Cass.”

He ruffles her hair. Cass looks forward to surprising Tim at the office.

* * *

“It’s a testament to the power of arts and crafts,” Steph says when they’re on stakeout the next night. She’s got her phone out and has been scrolling through Pinterest for an hour now. It’s been a slow night. They’re not supposed to have their phones on patrol, but nobody can find the secret uniform compartment Steph keeps hers in, so she’s been allowed to roam free. 

(Actually, Cass knows where it is; she just hasn’t said anything. Steph’s smart and responsible, and Cass knows that she knows what she’s doing. And it was very hard to find, in all fairness.)

“I don’t think plying her with the latest discoveries we’re conducting on the DL in Research & Dev is very arts and crafts-like,” Tim comments, sitting nearby and watching their target building through binoculars. 

Steph tsks. “What is R&D if not a nerdy adult version of arts and crafts?”

Tim opens his mouth to reply. He stops. He shuts it.

“That’s what I thought,” Steph says. 

She holds out a hand, and Cass high-fives her in victory.

Sighing at his defeat, Tim moves on to another topic. He nudges Cass, eyes still not moving from the binoculars, and asks, “So, did you find anything good?”

Cass thinks back. There had been a lot of really cool shit, but she hadn’t felt super into anything. She’s always had a simple approach to crime fighting, she guesses, and she doesn’t know how she’d fit all this new-fangled tech into it. 

She shrugs. “Don’t know,” she replies, looking down at her utility belt. Everything there has served her well enough. She doesn’t know why she’d need a grappling rope that has a taser setting. “I guess I want to get the basic design down first, before I look at the technical side.”

Tim nods, as if to say _fair enough._

“Whatever you go with, make sure you get the insulated fabric,” Steph tells her. “That shit is life-saving,”

Cass guesses that that would pair well with the taser-grapple, too, if she went for it. She puts it down on her mental list. And pulls her phone out of her own secret uniform compartment, so that she can put it on her actual list as well.

Tim finally looks away from his binoculars to frown at Cass and Steph. “Where do you guys even keep those?” 

* * *

Despite Bruce inviting Cass to WE two more times that week, Cass decides that she needs to stay true to her words. She needs to figure out the design before the technicalities. 

She’s not particularly artistic, and despite all of the Pinterest activity, Steph doesn’t have that much experience with art either. And Tim’s sense of aesthetic is… questionable. 

The answer is obvious. Cass has to turn to other members of the family. Well, actually, she waits for them to approach her. Asking for help is still… a little out of her depth. 

It’s a good thing, then, that Dick is very, very prone to approaching.

“Thoughts on colour?” he asks her when they’re visiting a night market. Everything here is bright. Cass really likes the fairy lights everywhere, and likes even more that she can look up and see the stars twinkling too. 

“I like colour,” she replies. She picks up a pair of socks from the stall they’re in. They’re bright blue—pretty close to the Nightwing blue—and Dick grins when he sees them.

“I mean for your costume,” Dick says, as he takes the socks and puts them on the growing pile they have on the counter. “Thanks,” he adds.

Cass says _ah,_ realizing now what Dick means. She thinks about it as they continue to look around the store. 

_Let’s see,_ she thinks. She loves the Robin costume, and the first Nightwing costume, and the Spoiler costume, and they’re all bright and colourful. She doesn’t think they’re for her, however. She’s not the type to want attention when she’s in costume, as a strategy or for the recognition. She wants to be known as a hero, but she doesn’t want to be noticed.

“Hmm,” she says, “I think I’ll stick with black.”

Dick nods. “Thought so. What about accent colours, then? Like with the current Nightwing costume, or the Batman suit?” 

Cass nods. “That works. I don’t want all black. I want to look… nice?” She frowns. “Like, not so scary, you know?”

“More approachable?” Dick suggests. 

“Yeah! That’s it,” Cass replies brightly. “I want to be more approachable.” She pauses, and frowns down at a pair of socks that are bright green and red. “But not like, Robin levels. I still want to be a little scary.”

Dick snorts. “Cassie,” he says, flicking her in the ear, “I don’t think anything in the world could change that.”

Cass grins at him. “Good,” she chirps in response, feeling happy and content and in control. “That’s the way I like it.”

They buy their socks, as well as a pair or two for everybody else in the family, and go on. There is somebody playing live music nearby, and despite how many people there are walking around, it doesn’t feel crowded at all. Cass likes it, honestly; the sounds of people around her and the feeling of Dick’s hand in hers. She feels grounded and included, like she’s in her own bubble, but surrounded by all the other bubbles with all the other people, floating together.

Cass loves Gotham like this. She likes it all the other times as well, but it’s a good reminder that despite all the shittiness of this city, there’s always beauty hidden away somewhere. That’s life, she thinks. You just have to look for the beauty.

* * *

“It means great rebuilder,” Dick tells her, under the rising sun. “In Kryptonian mythology, he was the one who brought the dawn.”

The world is golden, and in the light of the morning, Dick looks like gold too. Cass looks down at herself, bathed in that same light, and smiles.

“It fits,” she says, leaning against his shoulder. The sun has started to peek out between the skyscrapers and office buildings. Cass is tired beyond all hell, but at least on nights like these, when patrol runs far longer than it should, they can catch the sunrise.

“Yeah,” Dick replies, laughing a little. “People keep telling me that,”

* * *

Tim isn’t a very calm person, when you get down to it. Despite this, Cass always feels her calmest around him. Maybe it’s that he’s so _focused,_ and Cass likes that. 

Being around Dick is fun, but Dick can give her a run for her money when it comes to observation, and while Cass usually likes being seen and known, it can be a bit much. He makes her understand why she gives people the heebie-jeebies.

Being around Steph is fun too, but Steph seems to make it her life’s mission to unsettle the boundaries that Cass tends to draw around herself. Steph wants to make her smell the roses, and climb the trees, and jump in the deep end, and it’s not a _bad_ thing, it’s just… a lot.

Being around Tim is just calmer. Quieter. It takes a lot of energy for Cass to just exist around people, and being around Tim demands so much less from her than from other people. It’s nothing she’s not willing to expend, and she’s pretty sure she’s getting better every day, but it’s nice to be able to dial it back. 

Today, Tim is typing up some reports for WE while Cass sits next to him, folding some origami stars to have something to do while she thinks. She knows that Tim knows, and probably has known for a while now, but she’s been mulling something over for the past few weeks, and she thinks she’ll be ready to bring it up soon. 

She likes going to Tim with her problems. He’s a fool when it comes to his own, but with other people’s issues, Tim’s as sharp as a knife. Smart, perceptive, never over-analytical, always careful. 

She turns a little in her seat so that she’s facing him. She asks, “Why didn’t you go to university?”

Tim turns to look at her. He shuts his laptop.

“Why do you ask?”

She shrugs. She isn’t quite ready to reveal that, so she just replies, “Curiousity. You don’t talk about it much,”

Tim shrugs back at her. “There’s nothing much to say, honestly. It just wasn’t my priority. I already had the education I needed to do what I want in life, and… frankly, it’s probably more than I could learn at uni anyway.”

Cass nods. That makes sense. “Was Bruce mad?”

“Fuming,” Tim snorts. Smiling, he says, “You know how he gets when one of us surprises him,”

Cass rolls her eyes. “He’s such a wet blanket,” 

Tim giggles. He shifts a bit so that Cass can lean into him better, and wraps an arm around her. She relaxes into his embrace. 

They fall back into silence after that. Tim goes back to his reports, and Cass goes back to her origami.

She hopes that Tim is happy like this. She knows how stressed he can get, between patrol and helping out at WE and managing his other projects. 

(He calls them his hobbies, but everybody agrees that running or helping out with a bunch of small businesses and charities isn’t very hobby-like. Cass is still trying to get Tim to come with her to dance classes. She thinks he’ll be great, and honestly, he needs to loosen up.)

It’s an hour or two later when Cass feels like bringing up the topic again. She’s almost finished her jar of stars now. She thinks she’ll give it to Tim for his office at WE, since he has the decorative taste of… somebody who doesn’t have any. She notes that she needs to go to the Asian mart soon to buy some new paper, since she’s running out of warm-toned colours, and this particular jar is red and pink themed. 

She clears her throat and says, “Hey, it’s break time.”

Tim groans dramatically and turns to her. “Is it really? I only _just_ got into my groove.”

Cass shrugs, grinning. “That’s not on me. Get into your groove faster next time.”

Tim closes his laptop and puts a hand over his heart. “My own sister, so cruel to me,” he sighs. He stands up and stretches out, which suddenly reminds Cass of a cat. She snorts. 

Tim puts out his hand for her to take, and asks, “What do you have planned, then?”

“Up for a trip to the Asian mart?” Cass asks, taking his hand and letting him pull her up. 

Tim brightens up. “Hell yeah,” he says, looking around for his wallet. “I need to pick up more roasted tea.”

“Great,” Cass says, pulling out Tim’s wallet from the couch cushions and passing it to him. He gives her a smile in thanks, and she smiles right back at him. Feeling calm. Feeling happy. 

As they walk to the mart, she pulls out her phone and, in her other carefully organized list, notes down what Tim had said.

They wander the aisles, switching between conversations about the best brand of soy milk to the best brand of cup noodle. This is another great thing about Tim. He’s a grocery store drifter, just like Cass is. Getting immersed in a supermarket is probably one of Cass’ favourite pastimes, and Tim is always the best company for it. The perfect mix of familiar, quiet, and quippy.

There’s a lovely lady who asks them if they’re brother and sister in aisle five, in front of the eggs. She must’ve heard them bickering about quail eggs. 

Tim and Cass look at each other, and smile.

“Yeah,” Tim says. “We’re siblings.”

The lady smiles and claps her hands together. “How sweet,” she says, “you seem to get along so well! My two are always arguing these days, it feels like I can’t go an hour without one of them running to me!” She gives a chuckle. “Though, they are still young. Maybe when they’re your age, they’ll be close just like you two.”

Cass smiles and smiles, until she feels like she might float. “I’m sure they will,” she tells the lady. “And even now, I’m sure they treasure each other.”

She receives a brilliant smile in response. “You’re right,” the lady says. “I’m sure they do.”

They chat for a little longer, but the conversation ends quickly because Tim and Cass are both kinda terrible at talking to adults. Sure, they also _are_ adults, but… it’s different. It’s different.

They drift around some more. Their basket is already full of everything they need, but Cass senses that Tim wants to say something, and she’s happy to wait. She wonders whether she should buy some tofu for dinner tonight. She adds more fruit to their cart because Tim needs to eat more. 

She exists.

Then, while they’re picking out fancy tea brands, Tim says, “You should ask Dick and Steph.”

Cass turns to look at him. He looks at her as well, and then smiles. “About university,” he continues. He looks back towards the tea. “I know I’m assuming, but… well, I’m pretty sure I’m right.”

Cass laughs softly. “You’re right,” she says, bumping him in the shoulder. “I… I’ve been thinking about going a lot lately.”

At his best, Tim is earnest and bright, and this is what he’s like when he turns back to Cass to say, “I think that’s a really good idea. Do you have an idea of what you want to do?”

Cass lets out a breath, and it’s like a weight has been lifted off of her shoulders as well. She hadn’t realized how anxious she was over this. “Kinesiology,” she says, carefully sounding out the syllables. “I’m still not super sure, but… I feel good about it.”

Tim grins at her. “You’d do so well in that. I… shit, Cass, this is really great.”

“Yeah?” she asks, feeling relieved. Tim reaches out his hand, and when she takes it, he squeezes hard. Once. Twice. Third time for luck.

“Yeah,” he says, confident and firm. “You should definitely talk to Dick and Steph. And Bruce, if you haven’t told him yet.”

Cass shakes her head. “I haven’t told anybody else but Babs, but she was the one who had the idea. So. You’re the first person, basically,” she replies.

Tim brightens up at that too, looking almost relieved. She grins at him, and he grins back.

“Well, shit,” he says. “I’m honoured. Thank you.”

“No,” Cass says, squeezing his hand back. “Thank you.”

They checkout. They walk back home. Cass feels, like she does more with every passing day, good about the future.

* * *

She wraps up her knee carefully. Tight, but not too tight. Even, but not too spread out. Careful, now. Careful. She tries bending it, and her eyes sting with tears, but it’s okay. Careful. She has to be careful with herself. 

She won’t be a weapon anymore. She won’t be cold and lonely and hurt anymore. She cares. She cares. She will forever care.

She smooths an icepack over her knee, and breathes out.

The next day, Steph catches sight of the bandages, and says, “Do you want me to rewrap that for you?”

Her immediate response is _no, don’t touch me._ She breathes in. She breathes out.

Cass says, “Yes, please.”

* * *

Steph stretches herself out on the mat, grunting with the effort as she lowers onto her leg. She’s gotten stronger, Cass thinks. And more flexible. They’ve been working out together for a while now, and it’s easy to see how far Steph has come. 

That’s just how Steph is. Deceptively strong, and easy to underestimate. What is that people say? She’s got fangs, or something. 

Steph’s hands wrap around her outstretched foot. Cass watches the muscles in her back shift and fit together. Teres minor. Teres major. Spine. Deltoid. Everything comes together, makes every movement possible. Cass has been racing through the anatomy and kinesiology books in Bruce’s library. A lot of the language is… complicated, but Cass likes to study the diagrams and put together the knowledge on her own. Feel the muscles underneath her skin. Understand the way she fits together, a body alive.

Steph comes out of her stretch, groaning, and turns to smile at Cass. “Having fun staring?”

Cass smiles back. “You’ve gotten stronger.”

Steph’s smile grows. Cass really likes the way Steph’s entire body lights up when she smiles. It’s easy to read her emotions, her happiness, her anger. And the times when they fight are— miserable, awful, unbearable, but at least Cass knows where she stands. No guessing games.

“You’ve been a big help,” Steph says, shaking out her arms and legs. “But yeah. I feel stronger, too. It’s good, you know?”

Cass nods. She knows. 

She’s about to suggest that they spar, to put Steph’s newfound strength to the test, when Damian comes over to the training mats. His knuckles are wrapped up in tape. 

“Cassandra,” he calls. “Spar with me.”

Cass raises her eyebrow at him. 

He blinks and looks between her and Steph. It takes a moment, but she can tell when the embarrassment hits him. He’s looking down at his hands when he continues, “If you’re available.”

Cass smiles. She turns to Steph and asks, “Am I available?”

Steph waves at them. “Please, go on. There’s nothing I love more than watching my two favourite people duke it out,”

Cass feels a warmth run through her at being described as Steph’s favourite. Damian bites his lip. Probably to hide his smile. Cute.

“Alright, then,” Cass says, standing up and walking into the centre of the training mats. “I’ll get the staffs?”

Cass and Damian usually spar with weapons. It’s Damian’s strongest area, and Cass’ weakest, and they usually strike a good balance.

Today, Damian shakes his head. “Let’s do hand to hand,” he says, which explains the knuckle tape, but not much else. Cass watches him as he moves into the centre.

They don’t do hand to hand combat very often. It’s her specialty, after all. The only person who can give her a run for her money in this area is Dick, and even then, that’s more because he doesn’t move like a normal person, not because he’s more skilled. Damian especially shies away from sparring with Cass without weapons.

“Are you sure?” she asks. 

Cass doesn’t say things that she doesn’t mean, but Damian does. She watches as he stands there and focuses on the small things. Damian’s breathing is steady. His feet are planted. His shoulders are back.

Ah. Cass smiles. She knows what’s happening here.

“Of course I’m sure,” Damian snaps, rubbing his hands together. “Don’t patronize me.”

“I would never,” Cass says solemnly. She rolls back her shoulders. 

Damian, prideful, confident, _strong,_ settles his weight in the middle of the sparring ring. Cass does the same. Enters stance. Takes in a breath to prepare herself.

“Show me what you’ve got,” she says, beckoning to him. 

Steph whoops. Damian’s mouth twitches up, and then he does. 

He shows them all what he’s got. He always does. Damian fights like he has something to prove, and since it’s a feeling Cass understands well, she doesn’t hold back. 

She barely needs to, anyway. Damian has gotten better. A lot better. Just like Steph, just like everybody, he’s gotten stronger and faster and smarter. Cass still has the edge over him, but the gap has thinned, and there are moments where he really surprises her. Moves that have Dick or Steph written all over them. Shifts in perspective.

In the end, Cass gets the final point in the spar, but she’s panting. She feels sore, but it’s the ache of hard-work and good movement, so she breathes it in. Damian sinks to his knees, winded as well, but she can read the obvious pride in his figure.

“You’ve gotten stronger,” she tells him. 

Damian smiles. Victorious. Pleased. Proud. Cass is glad. She’s really, really glad. She wants him to be proud and pleased with what he can do, with the work of his hands. She doesn’t want him to look down at them and hate what they bring.

“Naturally,” he says. Steph walks over to him and hands him a water bottle. He looks up at her, and then accepts it. Cass sees his smile threaten to grow.

Steph turns to Cass and passes out another water bottle, which she also accepts. 

“Brilliant show,” Steph says, sitting down between them. “You guys should do this for a living,”

Cass giggles. Damian snorts in amusement. 

They fall into silence as Cass and Damian catch their breath. It’s comfortable. 

Then, Steph says, “Oh, by the way! Damian, you heard about Cass wanting a new costume, right?”

Cass turns to look at Steph, curious. Damian does the same, and nods in answer.

Steph grins at him. “You should design it for her!”

Cass turns to look at Damian. He blinks at Steph.

“Should I?” he says, brow creased in confusion. 

Steph nods. “You should! You’re an incredible artist, after all. You’d do a great job.” She turns to Cass to look for backup.

Cass nods as well. “You would,” she adds. “I would like that.”

Now that he’s moved on from the confusion, Damian is very quickly becoming embarrassed instead. He tends to do this whenever he’s being complimented on something he hadn’t expected to be complimented on. It’s very cute, Cass has to admit. 

“I suppose,” he says, his cheeks getting red, “but fashion and design aren’t my areas of expertise.”

That is also true. Cass doesn’t want to make him do anything he’s unfamiliar with.

Then, she gets an idea.

“You could work with Dick,” she suggests, smiling. “He’s good at that stuff. He can give you ideas, and you can draw them.” She turns to Steph, and adds, “Steph can help too.”

“Fuck yeah,” Steph says, grinning. “Dream team, baby,”

When Cass looks back at Damian, she can tell that he’s not quite convinced. The tips of his ears are still a bit red, but he looks a little more thoughtful now. 

“That sounds acceptable,” he says, wringing his hands. “If Richard agrees.”

Steph rolls her eyes. Cass tries her best not to roll them as well. 

“Of course he will,” Steph says, flicking a hand at Damian. “Don’t be ridiculous. He loves hanging out with us. Especially you.”

Damian’s expression turns into something quietly pleased, unlike his fierce pride a few minutes ago. Steph and Cass both hide smiles. He's still a child. So young, and so soft. 

“Alright,” he agrees, looking towards the entrance like he already expects Dick to be roaring through. “We will make the greatest costume ever for you, Cassandra.”

Steph reaches out a fist, and Damian taps his own against hers with a snort. 

“Fuck yeah we will,” she says, turning to Cass and doing the same. Cass fistbumps her with pleasure. “Gotham’s criminals won’t know what fucking hit them.”

Cass laughs. “No,” she says, shaking her head with a grin. “I want them to know. When they see me, I want them to know exactly what they’re about to get.”

Steph and Damian smile at her. Delighted and proud. 

Everything goes both ways in a good relationship. That’s what Cass has learnt, what she knows. 

* * *

Cass likes patrolling alone. Not as much as she likes patrolling with somebody, but she guesses there are just parts of her that are used to being alone. It’s probably a good thing that she finds freedom in it, now. Years ago, she couldn’t say the same. 

She’s growing. And changing. Strange to think.

She flies through the air and twists towards the ground. Every movement is special, half-instinct and half-control, and when she thinks about the years when her body wasn’t her own, there’s more anger than fear. It’s new, and a little strange, but refreshing more than anything. 

Her anger in general is new and a little strange but refreshing more than anything. She feels like she has to teach herself her emotions, putting them together and visualizing them like she does the muscles in the diagrams, and anger is one that she’s come up against more and more. Anger at her past. Anger at the criminals she fights.

Anger at herself. 

Maybe that’s why she likes patrolling alone, sometimes. Left to her own devices, she can be angry in peace. She can be angry, and fight, and not feel like she’s some terrible, out-of-control monster for it. It’s easier to feel things when you know there’s a good reason for it, so she takes her anger and places it at the feet of the criminals she fights, and lets herself feel. Lets herself be. She is controlled and careful, but in her every move is still feeling, and anger. 

Bruce probably wouldn’t like it, but that’s okay. That’s okay, too. Cass is learning that as well. Bruce doesn’t always like things when they reflect him too clearly.

Dick, however, isn’t like that. 

When Dick sees his reflection, he reaches out. Touches it. Disturbs it.

Cass asks him one day, in his small apartment in New York, “Do you ever get angry?”

Steph and Damian have gone to buy fabric and dye. Cass and Dick are cooking lunch together.

Dick stops chopping tomatoes and looks at her.

“Course I do, Cass. Everybody does.”

Cass nods. That’s true. But she’s seen it in him, some days, with an anger that lurks underneath. One that he doesn’t let out, despite it all. 

“What do you do with it all?” she asks. She knows that she isn’t making sense, isn’t explaining herself, but she thinks Dick will understand.

He does. He turns his body towards her and puts his elbows back on the counter. Settled in. He gets that this is a Conversation. Cass feels the relief rush through her.

Dick says, “I feel it,” and shrugs. 

Cass raises her eyebrows at him, because that’s a lie. Dick feels things through so many different filters and dilutions that sometimes, what’s underneath looks nothing like what actually gets shown. 

Seeing the expression on her face, Dick breaks into laughter.

“Don’t look at me like that,” he says, shaking his head with a small smile. “I do, okay? Just… on my own terms, on my own time.” 

That sounds more like it. Cass nods and waits for him to continue.

One thing she really likes about talking to Dick is that it’s clear he thinks a lot about what he says before he says it. Cass does the same, though not exactly for the same reasons, and it makes her feel better to see somebody considering their own words so carefully. Dick is careful. It makes her feel both understood and safe.

Dick taps his chin. “Anger is weird,” he says. “It’s not rational or reasonable, and you can’t really control it or get rid of it. You just have to feel it, and understand why you’re feeling it. Then, once you’ve felt it, and understood it, you can begin to fix whatever made you angry in the first place, or try and make peace with it.”

Cass nods. That makes a lot of sense. She’s not very good at figuring out what emotions she’s feeling, and even worse at figuring out _why,_ but it sounds like an important skill to learn. She’s silent while she ponders that, lost in her own thoughts.

When she looks up again, Dick is smiling at her.

“So, Cassie,” he says, as he picks up the knife again. “What are you angry about?”

Cass sighs. “I have no clue,” she replies, going back to chopping up her onions. “Sometimes it feels like everything. But that doesn’t seem right.”

“Sometimes that’s just how it be,” Dick shrugs. “There are days where I’m angry at everything for no reason too,”

Smiling, Cass says, “I know.”

Dick rolls his eyes, but he’s laughing to soften the blow. “Of course you do, Cassie. Of course you do.” Then, he turns to her, and reaches out to tap his elbow against hers. It’s a funny-looking gesture, but she knows it’s so she’s saved from being touched by his tomato hands. “If you want to talk about it more, I’m here. Maybe we can figure out why you’re angry,”

Cass shakes her head. “It’s alright,” she says, tapping his elbow back. “I’ll think about it more,”

Dick smiles. Cass really likes how he smiles, too. When it’s genuine. It makes her feel like there’s nothing she can’t solve, if Dick’s on her side. Cass is—what is it again? A jaded optimist? Something like that. Either way, Dick makes her feel a little less hesitant about life. 

“You got this, little sister,” Dick says fondly. 

Cass nods. 

Dick has gone back to his tomatoes, but she still has more to say. Now that she's gotten that first conversation out of the way, she's ready to move down her list. She's been waiting to get Dick alone for a while. It's harder since he doesn't live in Gotham. 

She wonders if he ever gets lonely. She hopes not.

She says, "By the way, I've been meaning to ask you something?"

"Oh?" Dick says, raising his eyebrows. "You mean to tell me the conversation about our deep-seated anger at the world was the warm-up?"

Cass snorts. "It's not a Conversation _,"_ she tells him, hoping he can hear the capital C, "I just have a question. Why didn't you go to uni?"

Dick raises his eyebrows. "I am going to uni,” he replies, smiling.

Cass scrunches up her nose at him, like he does at people when they’re being silly. "The first time," 

“Am I allowed to ask why you’re asking?”

Cass tilts her head. “No,” she responds, after a moment. “I’ll tell you afterwards,”

“Way to keep a boy hanging, Cassie,” Dick says with a laugh. He puts down the knife and settles against the counter again. Pinpointed focus. Like she’s the only person who matters right now. 

(Cass really likes talking to Dick.)

“There were a few different reasons, I think. I was busy all the time back then, trying to do like, ten things at once. You know me,” he laughs.

Cass laughs. That does sound exactly like Dick. “I know,” she nods, and he continues.

“And I wasn’t enjoying what I was studying, since it had been a… negotiated outcome with Bruce. So, when paired with the fact that I was already kinda shit at conventional school learning, I wasn’t doing too hot. So I just. Prioritized.”

“Bruce was mad,” Cass says, not even bothering to ask. She’s starting to think she might be the first ever child to not make him mad about her university choices.

Dick grins. “Oh, he was _mad._ Though, he was mad at everything I did back then, so it wasn’t even that bad,”

Cass scrunches up her nose again, at Bruce and his never-ending silliness. The expression makes Dick laugh, just like she’d wanted it to.

When he’s quiet again, she asks, “What changed?”

Dick shrugs. He looks thoughtful. “A lot, I think,” he says. “I would consider myself a bit better at managing my time now, and I’m doing something I actually have interest in, and I’m doing part-time instead of full time.” He smiles. “And I’m medicated.” 

All good points. Cass nods. “And you like it?” she asks. 

“I like it,” Dick answers, steady and sure.

“And living here?” Cass asks.

Dick blinks at her, at first surprised, then thoughtful. “I like that too,” he replies, giving her a smile. “You don’t have to worry about me,”

Cass ducks her head. She hadn’t realized how obvious she was being. 

Dick laughs gently, and she feels a little of her sheepishness go away. 

“I still worry,” she says, looking down at the cutting board. She stares at the onions for a bit. Then, when she looks up at Dick again, she finds him looking fondly back. “You aren’t lonely? Or stretched too thin? Or working too hard?”

Essentially, she tries to ask, _do you need me,_ but she can’t seem to make it come out like that. 

Dick shakes his head. She can see his answer already. His posture is relaxed, his eyes bright.

“I’m okay, Cass,” he says, leaning over to kiss her on the side of her head. “Thank you for caring. But I’m doing well, honestly.” He leans back, and gives her a look. “Probably better than I would be if I was living in Gotham.”

She stares back at him. She doesn’t understand what he’s trying to tell her. Is that—is he telling her that he doesn’t need her, or anyone, from Gotham at all? Does he want her to back off? 

No. She looks at his body language, and it’s still open and approachable. He doesn’t look defensive. If anything, he looks… encouraging?

She says, “You are?”

Dick nods. “I am. It makes you rethink a lot of things. And change in a lot of ways. I know it may not be for you, and I’m not trying to pressure you in any way, but… I think it could be a good idea.”

“Moving away?” Cass asks, feeling a little lost. She’s never thought about it before. 

“Yeah,” Dick replies. He shrugs. “You don’t always have to listen to what he says.”

“I don’t,” Cass says back almost immediately. It’s just the truth. She doesn’t. 

Dick grins. “I know. I mean… ah, how do I put this? You decide the boundaries of your own world. It can be as small or as big as you want, as long as you’re willing to push it further. Just because Bruce’s world starts and ends with Gotham, doesn’t mean yours has to as well.”

Cass blinks at him. She doesn’t really get it. Especially that last bit. There’s no way Bruce’s world can start and end with Gotham when Dick, a centerpiece of Bruce’s life, is in New York.

“Bruce’s world doesn’t start and end in Gotham,” she says carefully.

Dick taps his chin. “Okay, maybe that was bad wording. I didn’t mean that literally, but it’s like… his heart is in Gotham, right?”

Cass nods. “Right.”

“His heart is in Gotham, and it’s like he’s scared that if he leaves it, he won’t be able to get it back again. You know Bruce and his severe attachment issues. He’s scared about everything that could happen when he isn’t there. And I know that Gotham, and Bruce, are important to you, but you don’t have to worry about them if you leave. Things will change, but. That’s not necessarily a bad thing.”

Cass stares at Dick. He looks very serious now. 

He looks a little bit like Bruce, actually. Like Bruce in those moments when he wants Cass to understand something that he doesn’t know how to say properly. 

She sees that he looks a little bit like herself as well. After all, she does that all the time. Tries to make people understand.

She breathes out, and she breathes in, and she thinks about it. She thinks she might understand. Bruce is so—he holds onto everything _so tightly,_ tight enough to choke. And Cass doesn’t think she wants to be like that. She doesn’t want to be scared anymore. 

Dick sees the change in her, because his face relaxes. He smiles.

“Sorry if that was a lot to take in, Cassie. I’ve just been thinking about that a lot lately,” he says.

Cass shakes her head. “No. Thank you." It means a lot to know that Dick thinks of her. A whole lot. " I… I’ll think about it.”

Dick grins and reaches over, and ruffles her hair with his slightly damp hand. She squeaks in protest, pushing his hand away.

Laughing and taking back his hand, Dick says, “You know, Bruce did it too, so he can’t get mad at you.”

Cass raises her eyebrows. “He did?”

Dick nods. “Before he became Batman. He did a very extreme version of it, actually, which makes complete sense when you think about it. Took a trip all around the world, trained in some wild places then came back to Gotham and settled here. Just moving interstate for uni wasn’t enough for him, you know?”

Cass giggles into her hand. She’s heard about this before, but she’s never put it in this context. It makes sense, though. Bruce can’t do anything normally. She kinda loves him for it.

“He’s so dramatic,” she says. 

“Isn’t he just,” Dick says, rolling his eyes. Done with the tomatoes, he scrapes them into a bowl. Cass realizes that she’s been ignoring her onions this whole time. 

She goes back to cutting. Dick reaches to her side of the counter to grab one of the other onions, and goes back to his cutting board as well.

“Think about it,” he says, as he peels. “You don’t have to, but… I think it would be good for you.”

Cass nods. 

She realizes that she never told Dick why she was asking. Though he definitely figured it out anyway, she clears her throat and says, “I think I want to go to uni. That’s why I’m asking.”

Dick grins at her, and continues to dice. “I think that’s a great idea.”

* * *

Every time she smiles, there are so many muscles that move for it to happen. When she breathes, her diaphragm shifts. Everything she does is a process. A collaborative action. She doesn’t move alone. Every body is a wonder of anatomy and evolution, and every movement is a labour of care and nurture. 

She doesn’t move alone.

* * *

“You think Batman’s gonna come bust us?”

Cass pauses, in the rafters. It’s funny to her that after all of this time, people in Gotham still don’t look up.

“Man, we aren’t important enough to get got by _Batman._ They’ll send one of the others. Batgirl, or someone.”

Cass watches one of the criminals standing guard shiver. 

“I think I would prefer Batman, actually. Batgirl gives me the heebie-jeebies.”

“You run into her before?”

“Nah, just heard the stories. Apparently she’s a real terror. All quiet and deadly, you know?”

“Yikes.” A pause. “We’re probably too small-fry to attract any attention. It should be fine.”

If Cass were somebody else—Dick or Steph, maybe—she would’ve said something. Like, _hate to disappoint, boys._

But she’s not anybody else. She’s just herself. So she smiles and drops in from the rafters, making sure the impact can be heard, and squares up.

It’s very easy, after that. Fear works very effectively to disarm opponents. Cass barely has to do anything.

She goes to her meeting place with Bruce when she’s done, the guards tied up and the authorities alerted. 

He’s not there yet, so she sits on a ledge and waits, scrolling through her phone. Dick and Damian have been added to the Pinterest board as well, now, and there’s new things to look at every day. Damian is surprisingly into florals, but Cass is a little concerned about how they would work for stealth.

They _are_ nice, though.

A few minutes later, she hears the swoosh of a cape and feet landing nearby. She looks up and smiles.

Bruce frowns back down at her. “You shouldn’t have that,” he says.

Cass slips it back into the compartment and smiles wider, going, “Oops.”

She knows that she’s not getting a lecture. And, doing exactly what she expects, Bruce just shakes his head, holding back a smile. 

“Be careful,” he tells her, though he knows she always is. “Was everything fine on your end?”

Cass nods. “It was easy,” she says, stretching out her legs. “They were scared of me. I even didn’t have to fight,”

Bruce huffs. “You’ve got quite the reputation here now.” He sounds proud. 

Cass is proud too, she is, this had been all she wanted when she was younger. She had needed it so desperately. Had been so glad to receive it.

A place to belong. To settle down. To be safe. 

But she’s been changing. It’s a little terrifying to think about, but she’s been changing. Dick’s words have been playing over and over again in her head. 

“I do,” she agrees. It’s good to be known. To build things on her own. She guesses that is the appeal of moving away, then. Starting out fresh, and knowing that you have to build it all yourself. She doesn’t know if she wants it or not, but she sees the appeal. 

Bruce nods. “Alright, Batgirl,” he says, motioning for her to stand up. “Let’s go home,”

Cass gets up and brushes the dirt off of herself. She and Bruce nod at each other one last time, and then Bruce is off. Cass follows soon after, flying through the air on her grapple, feeling the wind against her.

She thinks about home as she goes. She thinks about the luxury of having one, and the luxury of being able to leave it.

Hm.

* * *

Chat with **conner hawke**

 **[9:39] me** **  
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“Hi, Connor,” Cass says, putting her phone on speaker as she stretches forward. Her side’s been feeling a little sore, lately. She wonders if she twisted something.

_“Hi, Cass. Glad to see you’re still texting like usual.”_

“It’s more fun.”

A laugh. _“I’m sure it is.”_ A pause. _“So, wanna tell me about why you suddenly want to move?”_

“Hm. Maybe later?” Cass replies, holding her stretch. Ouch. She might’ve twisted something. She has no idea when. Should’ve been paying more attention. “Have you ever moved?”

_“Yeah, I have. Been all over the place, really.”_

“Where was your favourite?”

_“Hmm… Houston, probably? The vibrancy of that place just rocks.”_

So Star City isn’t his favourite. Cass comes out of the stretch, wanting to wince, but holding it in. “Did you miss home when you were there?”

 _“‘Course I did,”_ Connor says. _“It’s home.”_

“But you still left. You weren’t worried or sad?”

_“Not really. It’s a pretty big world out there, Cass. It’d be a bit of a shame if I never stepped foot out of Star City. I mean, for one thing, Ollie would be kinda insufferable to deal with for that long.”_

Cass snorts.

“I think I want to go to uni. Outside of Gotham,” she says. She lies down on the yoga mat. Breathes in, and finds herself feeling far less scared than she thought she’d be.

_“Oh, shit. That’s awesome, Cass.”_

“Yeah. I’m just… nervous.”

_“I get that. It’s a big change. You’ve gone through so many huge upheavals in your life already, I understand why it freaks you out.”_

She breathes out. That makes a lot of sense. Connor is smart with these kinds of things, and he understands as well. He understands what it’s like to find yourself thrown into a completely new world.

“Were you scared?” she asks, putting a hand on her chest. Her heartbeat is steady.

_“About?”_

“Anything. All of it. You know.”

A pause. A sigh. _“Yeah. About anything and all of it. Being a new person is… hard.”_

Cass sighs too. “It is.”

Another pause. Longer, this time.

Connor says, _“There are some campus visits for universities around here soon. If you want to come. You can check out the city as well, while you’re here. Get a feel for it.”_

Cass smiles. “Okay,” she says. “That sounds good. Can I bring Steph?”

 _“Please,_ _bring Steph.”_

Cass laughs. 

* * *

One day, Connor tells her about a conversation he and Ollie once had. After they had fought and then made up. 

Connor and Ollie apparently argue a lot; it’s supposed to be healthy, or something. Cass isn’t super sure about that. She and Bruce don’t really argue. But she and Bruce are also. Well. Yeah.

Which is why she and Connor are talking about this in the first place. It’s… ah, what was that word that Tim once used? Commiserating. They’re commiserating.

Connor sighs. “So yeah, he apologized, and then he told me that he was proud of me. He says that a lot, but there was something different this time.”

“How so?” 

“I guess he looked really sad about it. He said that all parents want to see their children turn out better than them, except sometimes I made him feel like he was being left behind completely.”

There is a pause in the conversation. Cass thinks about that.

“It’s so weird,” she says, staring up at the ceiling, “that the things we want sometimes hurt us too,”

Cass isn’t very good at wanting things yet. She is pretty good at hurting herself, though. 

“We all hurt ourselves so easily,” Connor agrees.

“And each other.”

“And each other,” Connor sighs. “All we can do is make sure we never hurt more than we help,”

It’s about balance. Cass’ external balance is perfect; she’s better than Dick, actually, but Dick actually understands the momentum and the follow-through that come before and after balance. Cass is only good at staying still. She’s working on that, and she’s working on the internal balance as well. 

The world is so big, and she’s beginning to realize that she contains so much of it inside of her. All of the contradictions, and the hurt, and the beauty of the world.

* * *

“Steph,” Cass says when she walks out of her classroom. Gotham U has a nice campus. Cass has been enjoying herself watching the people go by while she waits for Steph to finish class.

When Steph spots her, she grins. 

“Cass,” Steph says, running over. “You didn’t tell me you were gonna come visit,”

Cass smiles back. “I wanted to surprise you. Want to get lunch?”

“Colour me surprised,” Steph replies. “I would love to,”

They fall into step with each other and head towards the campus cafe. People move with them, and around them. All doing their own little things and having their own little conversations and living their own little lives. 

Steph leans over to take a sip from Cass’ iced coffee. Cass holds it out so she can reach it better. Then, when she gets the cup back, she finishes it off and rattles the ice. She’s excited to eat it later. 

“So,” Steph says, “is it finally my turn to do the Cass-goes-to-uni talk?”

Cass stares at her. 

Steph smiles, unapologetic. “Tim is very easy to get information out of,”

Cass snorts. Then she breaks into laughter. Of course it was Tim. Steph has been using his guilt over their terrible relationship against him for years now, and it seems like it’s still effective. 

“That’s mean,” Cass says cheerfully. Steph gives an exaggerated shrug.

“Well, I didn’t actually force him,” she says. “He accidentally told me when we were patrolling one day. I was actually defending him by saying that. Plot twist!”

Cass giggles. Of course it was Tim. For all of his careful paranoia and precision, it’s very easy for him to get mixed up. One-track kind of mind. 

“I see,” she says. “So you’re the hero,”

Throwing her arm around Cass, Steph says, “Damn fucking right I’m the hero. Second best one in Gotham, easily,”

“Who’s the first?”

Steph grins. “You, obviously,”

Well, Cass _does_ like the sound of that. She shrugs underneath Steph’s arm. “Maybe,” she replies. “I might put Dick above me,”

“Not in Gotham, doesn’t count. It’s you and me, baby. Top two.” She pauses. “Tim can be third.”

Cass laughs. “I think it would be Babs, actually.”

“We’re throwing the guy a bone,” Steph replies, winking at Cass. 

Cass smiles in response, wide and happy, and then Steph leads her into the café.

A few people call out to Steph as they pass, and when she stops to chat, Cass doesn’t feel awful. Even when Steph introduces her to her classmates, Cass doesn’t feel awful.

She smiles at them, and says hello, and feels perfectly okay. That’s something. A very big something. Maybe Cass _could_ move to a new city. The idea of leaving behind her family still makes her head spin, but it’s good to know that she wouldn’t be drowning completely if she was on her own.

Steph finishes her conversation, and they head further into the cafe. They end up at a table towards the back, away from the crowds.

Cass gives Steph a thankful smile. 

They order. They make small talk while waiting for their food. Surrounded by other university students all chatting or studying, and the hum of the coffee machines, and the bright sunlight, Cass feels extraordinarily normal. Like she’s just another face in the crowd. An average person, with an average story behind her.

“So,” Steph says, once their orders have arrived. “You wanted to talk?”

Cass does. She loves talking, and especially to Steph. “Yeah,” she says, stirring her apple juice. “I… did you ever consider moving away from here?”

To her surprise, Steph laughs. 

“Oh man,” she says, grin on her face, “Dick talked to you, didn’t he?”

Cass tilts her head. “How did you know?”

“Dick’s given all of us the _move away from Gotham_ talk,” Steph says. “He’s very big on it. I can tell that he’s been putting ideas in your head.”

Huh. Cass hadn’t realized that. Strangely, it makes her feel better that Dick has talked to everybody about it. She feels less like… like she’s been singled out, or something. 

“Well,” she replies, shrugging, “it’s… an idea.”

Steph nods. “It’s a good one, honestly. He knows what he’s talking about.”

“But you didn’t do it,” Cass counters. She takes a sip of her juice. It’s nice.

Steph shrugs, picking at some of the lettuce in her focaccia. “I didn’t. Because… man, how do I put this?”

Cass raises her eyebrows with slight alarm. That doesn’t happen often. Steph is very good with her words. Or at least, very good for Cass’ standards.

After a few moments, Steph stabs her fork into her sandwich with a sigh. She looks at Cass and says, “So, I’m gonna be real with you. I think that the main reason Dick is so insistent on everybody living out of Gotham at least once is because Bruce is in Gotham. And Bruce is… I mean, not a bad guy, probably, but he’s very all-consuming. And like. I want to say catastrophic, but I think that’s a little too mean, so substitute something a little bit more positive. But you know what I’m saying, right?”

Unfortunately, Cass thinks she does. She nods and stirs her juice again, even though it doesn’t really need it. Her hands feel strangely restless.

Steph nods too. “Yeah. And like, all of that bullshit applies a lot less to me than it does to you or Tim. I mean, I definitely have been pulled in by Bruce and his… Bruceness, but nothing like you guys. I have a life that can be fairly easily untangled from all of that, and my mum is still here, so me moving away doesn’t achieve exactly what it would for you. Get it?”

Cass frowns and thinks it over. She taps the side of her glass.

She says, “Dick tells all of us to move away from Gotham but actually he means that we need to have space from Bruce, which you don’t need as much as the rest of us do.”

Steph mimes hitting a bell. “Ding ding ding,” she says. “You’re on the money.”

Hm. Cass leans back in her chair and considers that.

“Do you think he’s right?” she asks Steph. 

“I think he knows what he’s talking about,” Steph replies. “And even outside of B related stuff, I think that relocating is a worthwhile experience for anybody,”

There’s a moment of quiet. 

“So you think he’s right.”

Steph grins. She leans closer to Cass on one of her hands. It makes Cass feel like they’re sharing secrets, or sneaking around. “I do, but I don’t like to admit it. He’s right way too often. Can’t be healthy.”

Cass giggles, leaning in as well. She nods in agreement. 

“It can’t,” she responds, even though one of her favourite things about Dick is his ability to be right about things. To be good, and clear, and purposeful. Cass wants to be all of those things too. 

After that, the two of them put the conversation on hold for a bit and start eating. Usually they would talk more, but this time it’s quiet. There’s good food, and good company, and a lot to think about. Cass taps out a rhythm on her glass of juice as she chews, and she thinks.

She swallows. “Why did Tim stay?” she asks, because that’s the one part that doesn’t make sense to her. She gets why Dick left. She gets why Steph stayed. But Tim still being in Gotham confuses her, despite how glad she is that he is here.

Steph snorts. Shaking her head, she puts her sandwich down and picks up a fry. “Because he’s a stubborn little bitch,” she says, pointing the fry at Cass and jabbing forward with every syllable. 

Well, it adds up.

“Out of everybody, he needs to leave the most,” Steph continues, “but despite mine and Dick’s best efforts, we could never convince him to. He’s just too similar to Bruce. They’re both so…”

She drops off. Cass thinks back to what Dick had been saying the other day.

_He’s scared that if he leaves it, he won’t be able to get it back again._

And then it all clicks into place. Cass knows Tim. Sometimes she finds herself amazed by how well she knows him, when before she could never have dreamed of having family like him. She knows his past. She knows what shaped him, what made him grow up to be the person he is today. She knows that, just like her, he’s growing every day as well. Muscles need to be trained every day, pushed a little bit further every time, until strength develops. There is no comfort zone. There’s just what you can do, and what you can’t.

Tim’s comfort zone is carefully drawn. Everything else is darkness, and she can’t let him get consumed by the fear.

“Oh,” she says, frowning. 

Steph sighs. “Sometimes, I think we all need to get out of here. I love it, but god, this city might be the death of me one day.”

It’s so weird that the things people love sometimes hurt them too. Cass doesn’t think she’ll ever understand it properly.

They finish their food after that. They chat a little about Steph’s course, and the weather, and films they’ve seen recently, but mostly, they’re quiet. Cass uses that time to think.

And when they’re done with their meals and they leave the café, she is ready to talk.

Walking in the sunshine of Gotham U’s campus, she rolls her shoulders and says, “I think I want to go to university. Um. Not in Gotham. Somewhere else, I think.”

Steph, walking next to Cass, has her arms behind her head. She looks at Cass, and then she looks back up into the sky.

“Say that again,” she says.

They keep walking. 

Cass thinks that over, trying to figure out what Steph wants to tell her. Honestly though, she’s had enough of thinking about things. She’s kinda exhausted.

Oh. Right.

She breathes out, and says, “I want to go to university,”

Steph grins. “That’s better. For what?”

“Kinesiology,” Cass replies. “I’ve been reading about it, and it’s—” she makes a face, “—hard, but fun.”

“Kin, huh? That sounds like something right up your alley,” Steph says, reaching over to pat Cass on the bicep. She wiggles her eyebrows as she does, making Cass burst into giggles.

Through her laughter, Cass continues, “I’ve been looking at courses in Star City. They do a lot of cool stuff.” She bites her lip. “Connor said I could stay with him if I visit for campus tours, and I was… wondering if you wanted to come with me,”

Steph raises her eyebrows. “Well, the answer to your wondering is that I’d _love_ to come with you, but you’ll have to ask me better than that.”

Cass smiles and rolls her eyes. “So demanding,” she teases.

“You love it,” Steph replies, and, well, it’s true. Cass does.

“Stephanie Brown,” she starts, trying not to laugh at Steph’s expression, “will you please accompany me to Star City campus tours?”

“Why, Cassandra Wayne,” Steph replies, holding back her laughter as well, “It would be my honour. Will there be anybody else coming with us on this esteemed mission?”

Cass gives in to the feeling and laughs. “No,” she says, “just us two. And Connor, maybe.”

“Not Tim?” Steph asks. Her eyebrow is raised. Cass can raise only one of her eyebrows; she gets by fine by raising them both, but it does make Steph’s judgement extra… judgey. “Because I got the strong impression you were planning to whisk him, kicking and screaming if need be, away from Gotham for his own good.”

Cass looks at Steph.

Blinking, she says, “How do you read my mind like that?”

It had been something she was considering. Barely an idea, a plan of action that she hadn’t really settled on, yet Steph could tell. The other side to all this _knowledge_ that Cass has now about these people, her family, is that they know her too, even when she feels like she barely knows herself.

Steph laughs. “I know how you think, Cass,” she says, throwing an arm around Cass’ shoulders. “You want to move away. Tim needs to move away. You love Tim. It’s an easy set of dots to connect,”

It is, Cass realizes, when Steph lays it out like that. It’s really fucking simple.

“Do you think it’s a good idea?” she asks, shuffling closer to Steph.

“You need to stop asking me that,” Steph says. “If you’re coming to _me_ for opinions on things, there’s something wrong,”

Cass scrunches up her nose and elbows Steph. “Do not say that,” she says, sharp. “I trust you. I think you’re one of the smartest people I know,”

Steph looks surprised for a moment, and then she smiles awkwardly. “

I mean, you don’t know all that many people,”

“I’m being serious,” Cass firmly cuts in. “You are. I… I would be lost without you.”

Steph’s blue eyes are wide and a little confused, but eventually her expression smoothens into a smile. A genuine one, if a little embarrassed.

“Thanks, Cass,” she murmurs. 

Cass smiles back. They keep walking around the campus, waiting until the last of Steph’s embarrassment fades.

“You never answered,” she eventually points out.

Steph huffs. “No, I didn’t,” she says, nudging Cass in the side. “I think… I think it would be a good idea, yeah. Dick and I couldn’t do it, but if anybody can convince him, Cass, it’s you. You’re good for him,”

Cass rolls her eyes. “He’s a little bit hopeless otherwise,” she sighs, which causes Steph to laugh so hard she has to cover her mouth. 

“You said it, babe,” Steph giggles. “I think you’re good for all of us, though. We love you, you know that?”

Cass feels an ache in her chest that… isn’t bad persay, but still feels overwhelming. It’s okay, though, because the weight of Steph’s arm around her shoulders, and Steph’s words in the air, grounds her. Makes her feel like more of a person. 

She breathes out. She breathes in.

“Do you think you, and Bruce, and Damian, will be okay if I go?”

She feels silly for asking. Both because she feels like she’s overstating her importance, even though Steph just told her otherwise, and because Steph and Bruce, if not Damian, are all adults. They don’t need her. Not as much as she needs them.

Steph, who is thoughtful and kind and smart, takes a moment to think about that.

“I think you’re going to be very dearly missed,” Steph says, squeezing Cass’ arm, “but we’ll be fine. It’s not like you’re going staying away forever, and, in theory, Bruce _is_ supposed to be a responsible adult caretaker.”

Cass snorts. “Is he?”

_“In theory,”_

“Babs once told me that the reason Bruce and Damian got along so badly was because Bruce has the outlook of a child too.” 

Steph bursts out laughing. She laughs so hard that she has to take her arm off of Cass’ shoulders, which feels a little bad, but the feeling gets erased by the sight of Steph clutching her stomach.

“Oh my god,” she gasps, “that is too fucking real,”

Cass grins, feeling triumphant at making Steph laugh so hard. “Babs is very smart,” she nods. Steph nods along as well.

“She really is,” she wheezes, finally standing up straight again. She breathes in deeply, still grinning. “As are you,”

Cass smiles harder. “Thank you, Steph,” she says, finding that she can’t even begin to explain what she’s thankful for. It feels like everything.

Steph seems to get it though, because she always does. She smiles and pats Cass on the arm.

Just to show off, Cass flexes her bicep a bit. Steph snorts.

She straightens up stretches her arms out towards the sun. Copying her, Cass does the same; she reaches up into the blue sky and feels the tension leave her shoulders. 

“You’ll be fine?” she asks, shaking out her arms. There’s something else she wants to say, to ask: _I’ll be fine, too?_ but she can’t get it out. 

Steph turns to her, smiling. “We’ll be fine,” she replies, golden underneath the sun. Her smile grows. “We’re all going to be perfectly fine.”

And that’s the answer Cass was looking for, to everything, asked and unasked, so she smiles too and lets herself feel the sun on her skin.

Steph exhales, letting her arms fall to her side. “Maybe I’ll move away too,” she sighs, “as soon as I’m done with uni.”

“Yeah?” Cass asks, imagining Steph taking on the world. 

“Yeah,” Steph replies, giving Cass a sly smile. “I’ll leave, and then it’ll just be Bruce, Damian and Jason in the city. Can you imagine?”

Cass and Steph stare at each other.

They burst out laughing.

* * *

Cass and Damian go rollerblading every now and then. It was an activity chosen for them: apparently, Steph and Dick do not think sparring all the time is _good fun family bonding time,_ and Cass and Damian’s hobbies don’t match up outside of that. It was decided that they should do something that neither of them have any interest in, and see how it turns out.

(Cass will drag Damian to a dance class one day, though. Mark her words.)

As it turns out, what Cass and Damian do have in common is a strong sense of competition, and a determination to learn _everything._ The system of trying things that both of them have never done before works super well because of that, so they decide that their good fun family bonding time should just be them doing a whole bunch of new things all the time. Sure, maybe Bruce did get annoyed when Cass and Damian started a band only to abandon it, and the instruments, a few weeks later, but they are bonding. And there’s a whole lot of stuff that they haven’t done. Lots to cover.

Rollerblading stays consistent, though, and she and Damian are suiting up for another trip to the skate park when Damian sniffs.

Cass looks up to see him holding up his elbow guards. She smiles.

When they first went, she had insisted on buying elbow guards and knee guards. Damian, being Damian, had insisted they didn’t need them, but Cass wasn’t there to fuck around; he either put on the guards, or they went home. And faced Dick and Steph’s wrath. Which, she thinks, more than anything, is what convinced Damian in the end.

They match. Pink for Cass, and navy for Damian. It’s very cute, in Cass’ opinion.

“I think we should purchase Stephanie a pair of these,” Damian says, scrunching up his nose. “Did you see what she did to her arms when she tried to land that fall?”

Yes, Cass did. In fact, she wishes she had not sometimes. Seeing the awful scrape that ran from Steph’s elbow all the way up her upper arm wasn’t pleasant. 

“I think we all need them,” Cass replies, thinking back to when Tim had injured his knee in a similar way. For all of their use, the material of their suits aren’t designed to be taking that much blunt force, especially not around the joints. 

Damian snorts. “Not me,” he says with a huff. “I am above making such amateur mistakes.”

Cass can easily remember four moments that contradict that, but she lets him have the lie. “Sure,” she shrugs. She leans down to strap on her knee guards, and comments as she does: “They do look a bit cool, though,”

Damian makes a strange, cut-off hum.

When Cass looks up again, he is staring at her. Looking thoughtful. He looks the most like Bruce when he does this. Analytical and careful. Sometimes, it worries Cass. But other times, she sees flashes of other people as well; she sees flashes of Dick’s kindness, and Steph’s determination, and her own observation, and she thinks it’ll all be okay. Damian’s smart, smarter than Bruce is by far, and—what is it that people say?

It takes a village. It takes a village.

“You think it looks cool,” Damian comments, narrowing his eyes at Cass’ elbows. Cass nods. 

Damian nods back. It seems as though it’s more to himself.

“Alright,” he says, tightening his elbow guard, “let’s go.”

 _Alright,_ she thinks. _Let’s go._

* * *

The best times to have capital C Conversations with Tim are when he is about to sleep. He’s no longer strung out from his day, but he hasn’t fully checked out yet. Cass has learnt this over time. Not that she attempts many capital C Conversations with Tim, or with anybody, but she knows enough by now.

(With Steph, the best time is when they’re on patrol. Same with Damian. Babs is a middle-of-the-night deep talk sort of person. Dick, as far as Cass can tell, seems to be ready for capital C Conversations at any moment.

Bruce is a no-fly zone.)

She sits on the edge of the bathtub and watches as Tim rinses off his cleanser. “Hey,” she says softly. 

Tim looks over at her to acknowledge her, and then returns to looking in the mirror.

She swallows. “We should move out.”

Tim blinks, and then continues to massage toner into his cheeks. Cass likes watching him do this. It’s very calming. 

“Are we not already moved out?”

“Somewhere different,” she says. She feels like she’s already losing control of the conversation. Bad.

“What’s wrong with this place?”

She bites her lip. “It’s in Gotham.”

Tim stops what he is doing. He looks over towards Cass. His face is… cold.

“You want to move away from Gotham?”

She nods. “I do.”

“Why?”

“It will be good. For me. And for you.”

Tim snaps his head back towards the mirror. He looks in his reflection, eyes narrowed.

“This sounds like,” he begins, his voice very level, “something you’ve already come to a conclusion about. For the both of us. So I don’t know why you’re consulting me.”

And that is it. 

Conversation over. 

Tim doesn’t like to draw out encounters. He’s not one to play with the enemy. He waits, and analyzes the situation, and then makes the move that he thinks will fastest end the confrontation.

He rinses off his face and turns on his heel. He begins to walk away.

Cass blinks, her fingers tightening on the edge of bathtub.

“Tim?” she calls out, unsure.

He pauses in the doorway. Turning his head just over his shoulder, he says quietly, “We’re fighting now, Cass. I’m dead tired, so I’m leaving the actual arguing to tomorrow, but this is a fight.”

He pauses for a moment while Cass tries to process that, and then he adds, “Goodnight.”

Feeling small, Cass echoes back, “Goodnight.”

* * *

“Hold him down. Put your hands on either side of his head.”

She does as she is told.

“Twist.”

* * *

As she usually does when she finds herself completely at a loss, Cass breaks into the Watchtower. Babs is still awake. Cass thought so. She doesn’t seem like she was expecting company, but she doesn’t seem surprised, either. 

“Cass,” she says, smiling as she reaches out. Cass comes closer, and Babs brushes some hair out of her face. “What brings you here? It’s late,”

Cass swallows. Her mouth is dry. 

“Tim and I are fighting,” she says.

Babs stares at her for a moment.

Then, she takes off her glasses, and rubs her temples. “I’m going to need backup for this.”

Which is how, around half an hour later, Steph is sitting next to Cass on Babs’ couch while Dick blinks sleepily at them from the computer screen. Cass would feel bad about it, because Steph looks sleepy too, but she’s too busy feeling small and dazed and confused.

She realizes a little late that everybody is staring at her. She bites her lip. She makes eye contact with Babs, and feels tempted to ask her to say something instead, but…

Cass breathes in, and she breathes out. She shouldn’t. She can say it herself.

“Tim and I are fighting,” she says again. It doesn’t sound any better this time. It has been ringing in her head for the past thirty minutes: _Tim and I are fighting, Tim and I are fighting, Tim and I are fighting,_ and not a single time has it felt any better. Just worse.

“I’ll kill him,” Steph replies immediately.

That— that— she’s taken so off-guard by that that she laughs.

Her laughter only lasts for a few seconds, before her voice is dropping and she finds her eyes burning instead. “No,” she mumbles, blinking, “it wasn’t. Um. It was my fault, I think? I just don’t know. What to do.”

She realizes she sounds pathetic, but she doesn’t know what to do about it.

Steph frowns. “I’ll kill him,” she says again, her tone colder. There’s a burst of static from the screen. Dick was sighing, Cass realizes.

 _“Steph,”_ he says, _“that’s not helping.”_ He looks at Cass, and even through the screen, she can feel his concern. _“Do you know what started it?”_

Vaguely. Well enough. She nods, and clears her throat. It is strange to be the center of attention like this. 

She says, “I was talking to him about moving away from Gotham,”

Babs raises her eyebrows, and Cass realizes that she forgot to tell her. Oops. 

After sending a narrowed glance towards Dick, who sticks out his tongue in response, Babs says, “So you want to go, and he doesn’t?”

Cass thinks back. She wants to answer _yes,_ because that’s what it seems like, but.

Hm. She replays the conversation in her head. She prods at the words she said, and the words Tim said, until she realizes something. 

Tim had never said at all whether he wanted to go or not. He didn’t answer. 

And, she realizes now, she had never really asked.

“Oh,” she says softly. Everyone gives her a curious look. “I never asked.” She knows Tim. She knows Tim, and she’s worked so hard for so long to understand him, to understand people; to _know._ She isn’t stumbling through the dark anymore. She’s not the scared and lost child she was, flinching at any emotion thrown her way; she knows Tim well, and she knows exactly where things went wrong.

She stands up.

Steph says, “Figured it out?” looking proud. Cass nods. 

“I have to go,” she announces.

Dick rolls his eyes, but he smiles and says, _“You got this, Cassie,”_

Babs reaches out and touches Cass’ hand, saying, “You’re okay?”

Cass smiles at her. She nods again. “I’m okay. I figured it out, I think. It’ll be okay.” It feels good saying it. Fighting with somebody is not the end of the world. According to Connor, it’s healthy, even, and Connor knows a lot more about life than Cass does.

She’s learning every day, though.

Babs laughs lightly. “Go on then,” she says, patting Cass’ hand one last time. “Go work your magic,”

She’s grateful for Babs, more than she can say, more than she can ever express. Cass would be lost without her, would be lost without so many people in her life but especially, especially her.

“Wish me luck,” she says.

Babs, Steph and Dick all snort. 

“You don’t need that,” Steph says.

 _“I don’t know,”_ Dick replies, grinning fondly. _“It’s Tim. She might.”_

Out of loyalty to Tim, Cass doesn’t laugh, but Steph and Babs do. So maybe she smiles just a bit. Just a bit. As she slips out of the window.

* * *

She pauses. There is a whole life cradled in her hands.

_“Twist.”_

_No,_ she thinks. No.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later and Cass is locking the door of the apartment behind her, then throwing off her shoes and jacket. She walks to the bathroom and splashes some water on her face, already in her pyjamas because she had fucking hightailed it out of the apartment earlier, without bothering to change. 

The light in Tim’s room is off, but she knows he’s awake. Something tells her that. Intuition. Or practice. She pushes open the door without a sound, but she knows that he can hear her.

She steps inside. It’s dark, but she doesn’t need to wait for her vision to come into focus. She heads for where she knows Tim’s bed is, and sits on the side.

She waits.

After a while, Tim gives up on pretending that he’s asleep. He’s lucky that Cass is patient.

“Cass,” he mumbles, “I said I didn’t want to tal—”

“I’m sorry,” Cass interrupts.

Tim is silent. Cass keeps waiting.

“What for?” Tim asks, as if he doesn’t know. Cass snorts. 

“For not asking,” she tells him. It’s Tim, and she knows him; she knows that he needs to be included, needs to feel in control of the situation, needs to feel like he matters. She should’ve asked. “I should’ve asked.”

Again, Tim doesn’t respond immediately. At least the silence is shorter this time, which Cass takes to mean she’s been forgiven somewhat.

Then, when Tim moves over in bed and lifts up the covers, she knows she’s almost there.

“Well, get in,” he says, sounding tired and fond. Cass immediately swings her legs up onto the bed and moves under the blankets, seeking warmth. Tim has a weighted blanket on top of his normal one, and the pressure against her skin feels really good.

“I’m still mad at you,” Tim says, even as he turns to cuddle her. Cass smiles into the darkness of his room.

“I’m sorry,” she says again. 

“It’s okay,” Tim mumbles. After another pause, he says, “Can’t blame you entirely for being lead astray by Dick, I guess,”

Cass giggles. It’s so lovely, so sweet, that all of them can identify who it was that first talked to Cass about this. They all know each other so well, like an actual family, and it makes her heart ache in the best way.

“He just suggested it,” she corrects gently, “this is still _my_ idea. I’m the one who wants to go.”

“Why?” Tim asks softly. “Is it really that bad here?”

“It’s not bad. It’s just… the world is out there.”

“The world is here too, you know. Just because you know it better doesn’t mean that Gotham isn’t _the world,”_

Cass can hear the air quotations in his voice. She smiles. “I want something different. A challenge.”

“You make it sound like living here isn’t a challenge,” Tim replies dryly. Cass laughs.

“Tim,” she says, turning her head to look at him, deciding to cut past all of this, “why do you want to stay?”

Tim’s eyes reflect the faint light coming from his window, but it’s not enough for Cass to tell what he’s thinking. So she has to wait.

Sighing, Tim says, “I was born here, Cass. My whole life is here. It’s everything I know.”

“And you don’t want to know more?” Cass asks, because she’s realizing something about herself lately: she’s extremely, extremely greedy. The life she had lived before finding Bruce, whether under her father’s thumb or on the streets, had been incredibly limited, and she’s finally realized just how much is out there for her. She wants it all. To taste everything and see everything and touch everything and smell everything and hear everything; she’s so greedy for the world beyond her own imagination. 

Dick’s not influencing her thinking or pressuring her about anything. He just made her realize. Unlocked a part of her that, until now, had been kept away, out of fear and confusion and hesitancy. But she’s none of those things now.

Tim clicks his tongue. “I do, but… I don’t think I need it now. I have everything I want and need here. I don’t want to risk that.”

And it’s true, really. Tim has finally built himself somewhere to belong. Cass knows that it’s probably selfish and thoughtless of her to ask him to tear that all up. 

“Who says you can’t find all of that somewhere else?”

“Who says I can?”

Cass smiles. “I do,” she replies. “I think you can. I think you can do anything. I think that you’re smart and adaptable and all of those other words that Bruce calls you when it’s not to your face, and I think that you shouldn’t let fear hold you back.”

Tim frowns. Cass can just see it. “I’m not scared,” he says.

Cass breathes out. “I am,” she replies. “I’m really scared. But I want this anyway. I think it might even be good that it scares me so much, but I still want it.”

Wanting things didn’t come naturally to Cass for a long time. She’s getting the hang of it now.

She continues. “And I think that it would be way less scary if I had you with me. So. I’m asking now, Tim. Will you move out of Gotham with me?”

Tim stares at her for a long time. 

Then, he smiles. Then, he laughs.

“Jesus, Cass. Did you practice that?” he asks, snorting, and Cass thinks that no matter what his answer is, it’ll all be okay.

“Spoken from the heart,” she responds.

Tim laughs again. “God, you’re ridiculous. Fine. I’ll think about it.”

Cass grins. She knows that Tim will probably get no sleep tonight as he thinks over the possibilities, and that tomorrow, she’s going to wake up to an answer that he’s probably deeply overthought. That’s okay. She can handle it. She can call in backup, or she can talk to him on her own; it’ll all be okay. 

And then in the weeks upcoming, Cass will go on her campus tours with Steph, and maybe she’ll ask Connor to give her tours of the city. She’ll make plans with Babs and Dick on how she should break the news to Bruce, who she definitely isn’t making happy with her university plans anymore. She will have to beg Damian for forgiveness for leaving, but she knows that will be fine too, because Damian loves visiting other places; he has this skip in his step every time he comes back from New York, or Metropolis, or even field trips with his class. She will finish the new costume design, and be ready to take on the world.

She turns in bed and, in a stroke of unsteady bravery, pulls closer to Tim. Wraps her arms around him, and feels him respond in kind. She feels safe, and secure. She’s not a planner, doesn’t know her way around a routine or a 5-year-plan, but every day, she thinks about the future, and feels good. Like a person.

She feels like she exists, and she’s going somewhere. She’s not just a shadow standing still in fear. She will never be in the darkness again. 

She feels brave. And happy. And ready for the life that’s waiting for her.

* * *

Standing in the darkness, lost in the shadows, there is a girl. A child. She's been in the darkness for so long, but even here, there's hope. There are people who move in that dark and illuminate it; people who see lights beamed into the sky and follow them. People who see others in the dark, and come to save them. 

So she chases the light, and finds that on the other side of it all, there's more than she could ever imagine.


End file.
